May 28, 2013 - Of course, the first day of the last chemo treatment has to be a tough one. Waited 2 hours to get into a hospital room that was dirty...blood and urine stains on the floor and counter...yuck! Since it took so long getting in the room, we were told that Jimmy could not get his PICC line for chemo since it was so late in the day...2:30 p.m. The head nurse finally rectified the situation and got him in otherwise, he would have spent the night in the hospital for no reason. Thank you Lisa! Then, when I went to leave the hospital, I waiting 25 minutes for my car in valet (no one knew where it was) and I finally found out where it was and walked 3 blocks in the rain to get it...45 minutes later I was finally on my way home. Get home and try to reach my son...he got picked up by a friend...over an hour later, still can't reach him. Ugh. Is this day over yet?
To add to the day, Jimmy told me that they botched his PICC insertion again. I know this is a teaching hospital but both times they have let someone new do the procedure, it is so much more painful for Jimmy. His arm is black and blue and is very sore. Like he's not already going through enough...ugh.
May 29, 2013 - Today is a better day. Jimmy is feeling okay and we even took a walk outside around the hospital. The grounds and gardens of our nation's first hospital are so beautiful. There is so much history here.
They took some scans of his lungs today. Results tomorrow. Fingers crossed that they are clear. They will start chemo soon...only 3 more treatments left.
May 30, 2013 - This day began like any other day until the doctor came. He told Jimmy that he reviewed the scans from his last CT about 2 months ago and the one they did yesterday. He said there were some granulomas, which are inflammatory cells that form a lesion, in his lungs...no big deal here. Then he said he saw 3 nodules. They found nodules. OMG! This is where the sarcoma spreads...please God, let Jimmy be okay. One nodule appeared to have already been there, since it was seen on both scans. The other two were questionable. This is not necessarily bad news yet but it certainly isn't good news. He said they were small, and there was nothing that could be done right now. We would have to wait 3 months to have another scan and then see what they looked like. This sucks! Just when we thought this was the last chemo treatment and Jimmy went into this week with a positive attitude, now this. The waiting and not knowing is the hardest part. At least if we knew what we were dealing with, then we could deal with it. I hate that I had to leave Jimmy today in the hospital. I hate it that he is by himself, especially after having a bad day.
Have I mentioned lately that I HATE CANCER!
On the bright side, after today, there is only 1 more chemo treatment left. Hallelujah! It has been a long 4 months.
May 31, 2013 - A new day...a better outlook. The oncology nurse came in and talked to Jimmy this morning. She reassured him about the nodules and told him not to worry. We would just wait and see in 3 months. That's all we can do...no dwelling on the negative...there is too much at stake. We are keeping with the game plan...radiation will start as scheduled in a few weeks and then we will plan on surgery in September.
Jimmy is tired and ready to come home. This is the first time I did not visit him in the hospital in the six weeks he has been in. Our son had a field trip at school and I was a chaperon, so I stayed with Logan instead. It was a fun time and I'm glad I went but I felt guilty nonetheless.
Finally, NO MORE CHEMO!!!
It has been a tough week but thankfully, chemo is over. Praise God that Jimmy got through it. I will pick him up tomorrow from the hospital and then Jimmy, Logan and I will have a few weeks off to enjoy the beginning of summer before radiation treatments start.
Thank you again for all of the prayers and kind words we have been getting from people all over the world.
Friday, May 31, 2013
Sunday, May 26, 2013
Chemo is almost over...
May 26, 2013
Jimmy has had a rough couple of weeks. He has been very tired and weak, has had mouth and throat sores and is very anxious to have chemotherapy over.
The first week after chemo is always the hardest. As usual, his hemoglobin was zero, which means he was severely anemic. His white blood count was .2 (normal is about 12), which means he had no immune system. I'm always afraid that he is going to get sick and end up in the hospital. Thankfully, that hasn't happened. And, thank goodness for antibacterial lotion. Jimmy practically bathes in it these days.
I hate when he comes home and he tries to start doing things too soon. You know its bad when he walks the dog and comes in winded. Even today, two weeks after chemo, he got dizzy when he stood up too fast. He still has moments of chemo-brain where things don't make sense or he can't find the right words to say.
I HATE THIS.
Jimmy has one more round of chemo to go. I cannot wait until it is over for him. He hates the chemo and is not looking forward to it. I just tell him that its the last one and that he can do it...he has to do it. I see what it does to him and it is so hard to watch the deterioration of the Jimmy I know. He goes in feeling pretty good and leaves the hospital at the end of the week a very different person. The chemo strips away so much and each time it seems to take a little more of Jimmy. It has taken his hair, his strength and even changed the color of his skin. It has taken Jimmy away from Logan for about 2 weeks out of the month...the first week in the hospital and the second while he is home and recovering. It has made my husband and best friend a very different man than the one I knew before all of this.
After this round, there will be more scans to see what's going on with the tumor. Hopefully, the tumor is necrotic and has gotten a little smaller. We are not so much worried with the size of it at this point though. We just want the chemo to kill all of the cancer cells and let radiation shrink the tumor. The smaller it is, the better it will be for surgery.
This week has also been very stressful. Jimmy lost a friend this week...someone he had known his entire life and considered a second sister. RIP Alissa...may you be at peace. Alissa was helping with our fundraiser. She had started to spread the word and was going to help at the event. We had been speaking with her every day, several times a day and then it just stopped. A full day after our last communication we heard that she had passed away. We still don't know what happened and whether it was accidental or not. It is very sad, especially because she left behind a young daughter. Jimmy has been very effected by her death and I worry that the added stress is not good for him.
Logan is doing well and coping with Jimmy's illness much better these days. Since I usually take him to see Jimmy at least once while he is in the hospital, I think it makes him feel less stressed just getting to spend a little time with his Dad during his hospital week. As for me, I seem to be in a constant state of stress and depression. I pray for the day that Jimmy is healthy and we can put this behind us. I dread getting the mail with yet another bill from a doctor, hospital, radiologist, etc. I just want my husband back, whole and healthy.
Please pray for our family as we continue to battle Jimmy's cancer...this horrific disease that has taken over our lives. We really appreciate all of the support we have gotten from family, friends and even strangers. This has truly been a time where we have found out who our real friends are...and those we thought were friends are really not friends at all.
Thank you to those of you who have allowed us to come into your lives and share our blog with you. We have now been seen by people in 14 countries around the world. I hope this blog is helpful in some small way to those who read it. We would love to hear from some of our blog friends from around the world.
Tomorrow is Memorial Day. Thank you to those who have served our country and have paid the ultimate price, so we may continue to have our freedom. Jimmy's brother, John, was killed in Iraq in 2005. We love you John and miss you very much.
Jimmy has had a rough couple of weeks. He has been very tired and weak, has had mouth and throat sores and is very anxious to have chemotherapy over.
The first week after chemo is always the hardest. As usual, his hemoglobin was zero, which means he was severely anemic. His white blood count was .2 (normal is about 12), which means he had no immune system. I'm always afraid that he is going to get sick and end up in the hospital. Thankfully, that hasn't happened. And, thank goodness for antibacterial lotion. Jimmy practically bathes in it these days.
I hate when he comes home and he tries to start doing things too soon. You know its bad when he walks the dog and comes in winded. Even today, two weeks after chemo, he got dizzy when he stood up too fast. He still has moments of chemo-brain where things don't make sense or he can't find the right words to say.
I HATE THIS.
Jimmy has one more round of chemo to go. I cannot wait until it is over for him. He hates the chemo and is not looking forward to it. I just tell him that its the last one and that he can do it...he has to do it. I see what it does to him and it is so hard to watch the deterioration of the Jimmy I know. He goes in feeling pretty good and leaves the hospital at the end of the week a very different person. The chemo strips away so much and each time it seems to take a little more of Jimmy. It has taken his hair, his strength and even changed the color of his skin. It has taken Jimmy away from Logan for about 2 weeks out of the month...the first week in the hospital and the second while he is home and recovering. It has made my husband and best friend a very different man than the one I knew before all of this.
After this round, there will be more scans to see what's going on with the tumor. Hopefully, the tumor is necrotic and has gotten a little smaller. We are not so much worried with the size of it at this point though. We just want the chemo to kill all of the cancer cells and let radiation shrink the tumor. The smaller it is, the better it will be for surgery.
This week has also been very stressful. Jimmy lost a friend this week...someone he had known his entire life and considered a second sister. RIP Alissa...may you be at peace. Alissa was helping with our fundraiser. She had started to spread the word and was going to help at the event. We had been speaking with her every day, several times a day and then it just stopped. A full day after our last communication we heard that she had passed away. We still don't know what happened and whether it was accidental or not. It is very sad, especially because she left behind a young daughter. Jimmy has been very effected by her death and I worry that the added stress is not good for him.
Logan is doing well and coping with Jimmy's illness much better these days. Since I usually take him to see Jimmy at least once while he is in the hospital, I think it makes him feel less stressed just getting to spend a little time with his Dad during his hospital week. As for me, I seem to be in a constant state of stress and depression. I pray for the day that Jimmy is healthy and we can put this behind us. I dread getting the mail with yet another bill from a doctor, hospital, radiologist, etc. I just want my husband back, whole and healthy.
Please pray for our family as we continue to battle Jimmy's cancer...this horrific disease that has taken over our lives. We really appreciate all of the support we have gotten from family, friends and even strangers. This has truly been a time where we have found out who our real friends are...and those we thought were friends are really not friends at all.
Thank you to those of you who have allowed us to come into your lives and share our blog with you. We have now been seen by people in 14 countries around the world. I hope this blog is helpful in some small way to those who read it. We would love to hear from some of our blog friends from around the world.
Tomorrow is Memorial Day. Thank you to those who have served our country and have paid the ultimate price, so we may continue to have our freedom. Jimmy's brother, John, was killed in Iraq in 2005. We love you John and miss you very much.
Saturday, May 11, 2013
Round 5 over - May 11, 2013
May 7, 2013 - This seems to be a stressful week. I think knowing that this is the 5th round of chemo with only one more to go make all of us very anxious to have it end. First day of chemo went without incident.
Today, they did a lung x-ray and echocardiogram to check and see how things look. Hopefully, they don't see anything on his lungs to cause concern. We are also hoping that his heart is able to continue to withstand the chemo regimen. They have included a heart medication to the chemo process to help protect his heart since the chemo drugs are so harsh. It does add another hour to the process but it is worth it.
He is feeling a little "cloudy" today. He feels the effect of the chemo in his thinking and cognitive abilities. He does feel a little queasy as well. I really hate this whole process.
X-ray came back clear...still no sign of spreading...woo hoo!!! His heart has a little bit of a glitch but they are telling us it is nothing to worry about right now. The chemo is so hard on Jimmy's body and, even though they are giving him medicine to protect his heart and kidneys, I still worry what the lasting effects of the chemo will be for the long term.
May 10, 2013 - Jimmy comes home today. I have really missed him this week. Logan came with me last night for a visit and he was really excited to see his Dad. This is so hard on him and I forget that he doesn't see Jimmy all week because I am there every day. Logan is doing so well but I know how hard it is for him. Jimmy is feeling the effects of the chemo and is feeling very drained.
May 11, 2013 - Round 5 is finally over. Only one more chemo treatment left and it can't come soon enough. The psychiatrist from the hospital came for a visit today to talk to both Jimmy and I. It is a much needed support for both of us. Jimmy is always trying to be strong and say that he is "fine" when he is really not. Its a running joke with the doctor and his nurse. When we go in for a blood work visit, they ask him how he is doing...he says fine and then they look to me to ask how he is really doing. I love my husband so much and it is so hard to see him like this. I'm the one person he does not have to pretend with about how he is feeling. I can see the effects and I just want to make it better. This whole process is so life altering. I miss our life before cancer. We will get through this but sometimes that reality is hard to see.
May 12, 2013 - Today is a bad day. Jimmy is tired, sore and his brain is fuzzy today. This is when he is at his worst and it will last for the next few days. He says he feels like he has been run over by a truck. The best thing for me to do is just leave him alone and let him rest.
I hate this.
I HATE CANCER.
X-ray came back clear...still no sign of spreading...woo hoo!!! His heart has a little bit of a glitch but they are telling us it is nothing to worry about right now. The chemo is so hard on Jimmy's body and, even though they are giving him medicine to protect his heart and kidneys, I still worry what the lasting effects of the chemo will be for the long term.
May 10, 2013 - Jimmy comes home today. I have really missed him this week. Logan came with me last night for a visit and he was really excited to see his Dad. This is so hard on him and I forget that he doesn't see Jimmy all week because I am there every day. Logan is doing so well but I know how hard it is for him. Jimmy is feeling the effects of the chemo and is feeling very drained.
May 11, 2013 - Round 5 is finally over. Only one more chemo treatment left and it can't come soon enough. The psychiatrist from the hospital came for a visit today to talk to both Jimmy and I. It is a much needed support for both of us. Jimmy is always trying to be strong and say that he is "fine" when he is really not. Its a running joke with the doctor and his nurse. When we go in for a blood work visit, they ask him how he is doing...he says fine and then they look to me to ask how he is really doing. I love my husband so much and it is so hard to see him like this. I'm the one person he does not have to pretend with about how he is feeling. I can see the effects and I just want to make it better. This whole process is so life altering. I miss our life before cancer. We will get through this but sometimes that reality is hard to see.
May 12, 2013 - Today is a bad day. Jimmy is tired, sore and his brain is fuzzy today. This is when he is at his worst and it will last for the next few days. He says he feels like he has been run over by a truck. The best thing for me to do is just leave him alone and let him rest.
I hate this.
I HATE CANCER.
Monday, May 6, 2013
Round 5 Begins - May 6, 2013
Well, last week was better for Jimmy. He felt pretty good and got out some during the week. The week before chemo starts is generally a good one...just in time to do it all again...ugh. Blood work was good and he is currently getting his PICC line as I write this. Hopefully, all is going well.
Emotions have been running high this past week too. He really didn't want to come back to the hospital for chemo again. It takes its toll on him and on Logan and I. Jimmy still does not quite understand how terrible this is for Logan and I as well as him. He seems to think that since he is going through chemo that he is the only one affected. I hate what this is doing to him. He is not recovering as much after each treatment and he seems weaker until the 3rd week after chemo. His blood levels get lower each time too. This is very scary and makes me very sad that he has to go through this. It is hard to watch. Logan is dealing okay but was not looking forward to this week either. It really bothers him when Jimmy is in the hospital all week. He misses him so much. As for me, I am stressed even before the week begins. The good thing is that after this treatment he only has one more chemo treatment to go. Radiation will follow but am hopeful that he will get through that better than the chemo.
The fundraiser planning is moving right along. Donations for silent auction items are starting to come in but it is really hard to work on it without much help. My priorities are Jimmy and Logan but this needs to be done also. I know there are those who probably don't think a fundraiser is necessary. But, with no income and bank accounts dwindling quickly... not to mention the astronomical bills continuing to come in, it is completely overwhelming. It is truly life altering and it will take a long time to recover emotionally and financially from all of this.
On a better note, we talked to a woman this morning who had the same thing that Jimmy has and she is 2 years cancer free after the same treatment regimen that he is currently going through. It was really encouraging for both Jimmy and I. We have heard some terrible stories but this one was what we both needed to hear.
I am hopeful that this blog is helpful for those who may be going through the same thing along with us. I see that the blog has been read from people in 9 different countries. I would love to hear from those of you outside the United States. Please feel free to comment on the blog or contact me through Facebook. I thank you for following our story and I hope it helps just one person to make them realize that they are not alone in this terrible journey called cancer.
Emotions have been running high this past week too. He really didn't want to come back to the hospital for chemo again. It takes its toll on him and on Logan and I. Jimmy still does not quite understand how terrible this is for Logan and I as well as him. He seems to think that since he is going through chemo that he is the only one affected. I hate what this is doing to him. He is not recovering as much after each treatment and he seems weaker until the 3rd week after chemo. His blood levels get lower each time too. This is very scary and makes me very sad that he has to go through this. It is hard to watch. Logan is dealing okay but was not looking forward to this week either. It really bothers him when Jimmy is in the hospital all week. He misses him so much. As for me, I am stressed even before the week begins. The good thing is that after this treatment he only has one more chemo treatment to go. Radiation will follow but am hopeful that he will get through that better than the chemo.
The fundraiser planning is moving right along. Donations for silent auction items are starting to come in but it is really hard to work on it without much help. My priorities are Jimmy and Logan but this needs to be done also. I know there are those who probably don't think a fundraiser is necessary. But, with no income and bank accounts dwindling quickly... not to mention the astronomical bills continuing to come in, it is completely overwhelming. It is truly life altering and it will take a long time to recover emotionally and financially from all of this.
On a better note, we talked to a woman this morning who had the same thing that Jimmy has and she is 2 years cancer free after the same treatment regimen that he is currently going through. It was really encouraging for both Jimmy and I. We have heard some terrible stories but this one was what we both needed to hear.
I am hopeful that this blog is helpful for those who may be going through the same thing along with us. I see that the blog has been read from people in 9 different countries. I would love to hear from those of you outside the United States. Please feel free to comment on the blog or contact me through Facebook. I thank you for following our story and I hope it helps just one person to make them realize that they are not alone in this terrible journey called cancer.
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