March 24, 2014
It has been a few months since I wrote anything and I'm sorry about that. I really just needed to take a break for a while and put all of this out of my mind. Back in November, we were settling back into life as we knew it before cancer so we put anything cancer related on the back burner.
December came and went and Jimmy's first scans after surgery were clear but it would be a while before Jimmy could go back to work. For those of you in other countries, the weather here has been terrible for us this winter. We have a construction business and it has snowed just about every week since Thanksgiving. We did enjoy the holidays with family and we rang in the new year in January by taking a much needed vacation to sunny and warm Cozumel, Mexico. After vacation was over, we got back into our routine and continued to eat more organic foods and to watch the kinds of foods/drinks we put into our body. Overall, Jimmy has been feeling good and he's even worked some in the past few weeks. He's had some minor leg pain but nothing that seemed concerning. I have also started walking/running again and, on the whole, everyone in our house is healthy and happy.
Fast forward to today...Jimmy had his scans done again. The MRI looked really good and Jimmy's leg shows no sign of a recurrence of the tumor. His chest x-ray looked like it had shadows on it so the doctor sent him to have a CT scan to get a better look at his lungs. Since the results would take a little bit, the doctor said she would give him a call when they were in.
When the doctor called, she told him that what she saw was not a shadow and that there were two growths on one of his lungs that were at least 10mm in size and he would need surgery to remove them. She said that we needed to contact the oncologist today so that we could get a game plan together for surgery and treatment, if any.
THIS SUCKS...I HATE CANCER.
Neither of us can believe this is happening again. It seems so surreal.
I am incredibly sad and unbelievably scared.
We were told in the beginning of all of this that if the cancer spread to the lungs, then it was only a matter of time at that point. I pray to God that that is not the case. As selfish as it is, I cannot imagine my life without my husband. He is my rock and my soul mate. Yes, we have had our ups and downs (and I means UPS and DOWNS) but at the end of the day, we are each other's other half. I also can't imagine Logan growing up without his father. That, to me, is an unbearable thought.
Here's an example of the thoughts that I have about Jimmy's cancer spreading...something as small as picking out vitamins for our son...I was in Target today trying to decide which ones to get. My first thought was that I need to ask Jimmy what he thinks and I will come back to buy them. After I talked to Jimmy and he told me the CT scan results, I thought...what if something happens to Jimmy...how will I know what vitamins to buy? I felt instant panic at such a small thing.
We have also decided to not tell our son about the results just yet. He asked about his Dad's scans at dinner and we told him the MRI looked good and there were no signs of cancer in his leg. We told the truth...just not the whole truth. Please forgive me God but I'm not prepared to have our son carry the burden of Jimmy's cancer again...not yet. Once we know what we are dealing with and how we will deal with it, then we will tell him.
As before, I am asking you for your positive thoughts and prayers for our family as we deal with this dreaded disease again.
If you are a Mom/Wife that is going through the same thing, please comment here or feel free to contact me at kulickskickingcancer@gmail.com. I welcome your thoughts and support.
